"But Pauline, four day's isn't long enough to really know anybody, in two weeks time you might want to leave me, and I wouldn't stop you, you might not know this but you are the nearest thing I've ever had to a daughter, I don't want to hurt you at all." I told herShe looked up at me and gave a small smile, "So you don't want to train me then?" She asked me, "'cause if you did I'd really know how to be your daughter."I looked at her, her brown eyes were wide waiting for my answer, I bent down and kissed her nose, bringing a smile to her face, "I promise Pauline, I will teach you whatever you want to learn, if you want I'll cut this card up now and never use it, I don't need a bribe to keep you." I went to call a waitress over, but Pauline held onto my arm."Nnnooo. Master" She said, "Don't do that, or we'll never be able to pay for the meal!" I smiled at her and then nodded"Alright, I'll keep hold of it, but tomorrow we'll see how much we can spend okay?" I asked her, as she thought. I was in love with Big Jake Lewis.”“I even thought about killing myself, Jake. That was how bad I felt.”Carrie said that when she came home that first year for fall break, she had planned on talking to me and admitting her feelings for me, and see how I felt about her, and about what June had said.But then Bo told her that as soon as I heard she was coming back into town and wanted to talk to me, I suddenly left for an unexpected vacation.“That told me how you felt,” Carrie said. “And it made me feel even worse about myself.“I told myself that you thought I must be that sick, depraved monster I sometimes felt I had to be.“I became determined to get you out of my mind, and out of my heart.“When I got back to college, I deliberately got myself drunk and lost my virginity, and then started sleeping with anyone who would have me.“I tried to FUCK you out of my mind and FUCK you out of my heart, Jake,” she said, and began crying.“But every time I closed my eyes ... every time someone was.
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